and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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