Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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