so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
