when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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