This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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