awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
