you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
My boob is missing a layer of skin
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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