yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
