you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
