textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
this hospital has no fireball
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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