If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
