Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
