How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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