Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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