when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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