My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
