Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
