watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Randomize
