Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just want nice things and good sex
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
