I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
