How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
