your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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