you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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