Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
