Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
