I smell stomach acid.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
