Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
