This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
