Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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