Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Randomize
