Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
