i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
