evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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