Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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