South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
