am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Less talking, more tequila
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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