are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
