You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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