when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
