I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
