yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
When are your genitals available?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
