32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
