doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
