She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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