I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
