Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
