i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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