We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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