Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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