When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
