Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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