Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
