there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
All the doctor said was why
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
