i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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