when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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