Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
