Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
