she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
