he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
