He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
