We named our party play list daddy issues
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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