Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
