worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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