Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
