I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
