your room smells of hookers.
And success
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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