This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
