please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
