shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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