i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
im six kinds of drunk right now
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
