i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
