Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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