Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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