did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
