So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
